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About BarbEricScotaku

  • Rank
  • Birthday 11/15/1985

Profile Information

  • First Name
  • Location
    Northwest Indiana
  • Gender
  • Height
  • Body Weight
  • Squat PR
    190x15, 230 5x5
  • Press PR
    Bench 140x9, 175x1; OHP 95 1x13, 120x1
  • Deadlift PR
    245x23, 315x5
  1. I'm Eating Healthy, So Why Do I Feel So Miserable?

    Erm. Uh. Well, this is embarrassing. Just... want to apologize for going off the deep end. Sleep deprivation really screws with your head. I'm reading your replies and thank you, though I'm a bit too red-faced to say anything at the moment, eheh...
  2. I'm eating healthy, so why do I feel so miserable? This is everything I've eaten over the past month. Well, aside from a handful of unlisted cheat meals, and yesterday eating one deep fried jumbo coconut shrimp because it was offered and for once I was too weak to resist -- and felt a huge bubbling of desire in my guts reminding me that yes, I have a junk food addiction and I need to remember that moderation is not an option just like one beer for an alcoholic is too much. Had a rocky start of not counting calories like I did from early 2012 to middle 2013 where I lost 180 lbs but stopped after plateauing at around 240 lbs (been between 260 to 290 ever since by not calorie-counting) but after calculating my TDEE like everyone always says to do and trying to eat about 500 kcal below that like everyone says to do... (Went from 279 to 268, but pre-Thanksgiving I was as low as 264.) The previous month I was depressed from hurting my back lifting weights so I, well, ate mostly what you see here, but also ate at cheap chinese buffets probably twice weekly and every night I had probably 3000-5000 calories of walmart ice cream. I felt so much better. But after eating clean and healthy and natural and unprocessed like everyone says to do, I've felt progressively worse. Had problems early on from dizziness and lightheadedness and near-fainting spells but I just upped the calories and felt better, but for the past week I haven't been able to sleep more than 5 hours a night. For an entire week. I'm so tired it hurts. But I can't stay asleep for the life of me. I've tried not using electronics for an hour before bed, I've tried aromatherapy, I've tried meditation, I've tried not thinking of things that piss me off, I've even tried 100mg melatonin one night and that just made me feel worse, and none of it helps at all. Since I'm recovering from injury I've only lifted light for most of this month (only just got my bench back above 100), but I've stopped entirely the middle of last week because I've been in too much mental and emotional pain from simple & stupid lack of sleep, from last Monday night sleeping 6 hours, Tuesday 5, Wed and Thu no more than 1-2 hours, then another 4-5 the next few nights. I'm constantly tired, I'm constantly on edg.,My therapist has a depression rating, where 1 is "Bobby made fun of my hair this morning, boo-hoo" and 10 being "in immediate danger of killing himself and/or others", mine right now is an 8 and rising, again all from lack of sleep, and I'm pretty sure it's my diet. What else could it be? Well, other than stress and worry from lack of money and pretty sure I'll never be fit and strong and aesthetic because of all the stretch marks and loose skin and blotchy complexion and terrified that if I don't eat clean and healthy I'll fall right back into my old >400 lbs hikikomori NEET ubernerd ways ways like I was not even last month after doing so well off and on this entire year of starting and stopping the weightlifting due to mounting stress and hurting myself. Lifting had been the first time in my life I had a passion for something that wasn't childish and solitary like video games, and now I can't even get to the one thing that kept me going because of this lack of sleep. I'm not an attention whore. I'm not a drama queen. I'm not a troll. I'm not baiting. I'm not joking. I feel so absolutely crappy that I just want to die to end the pain. But I'm so scared that if I follow the nagging voice inside that says all I need to do is indulge in my junk food addiction, my soda-n-fastfood-o-holism, that it will all be better, that if I fall off the horse for the severalth time for the past three years, that I'll end up weighing as much as a horse that I was for almost 20 years. But I'm also scared that if I don't do something immediately, that if I spend another week or even another 2-3 days like this that I'll stop being able to resist my impulses and take a knife to my own throat. Re-iterating: I've lost MULTIPLE DECADES to morbid obesity and being a socially dysfunctional shut-in whose one and only friend is a glowing rectangle, and everyone says to be "gradual" in your changes. Well I've beengradual, for the past three years I've been goddamned gradual, how many MORE years must I lose to morbid obesity so I can for once in my life stop feeling so ugly and worthless? I'm doing everything everyone says to do, following the /fit/ sticky and bodybuilding.com's stickies and taking bits from the paleo diet and what Scooby Werkstatt and Jim Wendler and Elliot Hulse and Dani Shugart and Maria Kang and sites like this all have to say about eating clean and healthy, so what is missing? What am I doing wrong? I'm using a multivitamin and fish oil and vitamin d and etc. etc. supplements, I'm eating tons of vegetables on top of tons of meat, I'm trying to restrict carbs and dial in my macronutrient ratios like everyone says you should do if you're trying to lose weight without losing too much muscle mass like I was stupidly doing for the first year and a half of crash dieting with zero exercise when I should have known better. What is it? What's missing? What am I doing wrong? Someone please help me end my misery, I'm begging you.
  3. [stuff about not saying "you're doing it wrong" rather than gently suggesting and planting seeds and such, which I'd love to use quote tags on but for some reason isn't working for me right now.] I look back now, outside of that haze of being all worried and worked up, and I was definitely a dick to her. And I've even read How To Win Friends & Influence People. Twice. So I should have fucking known better. Should have realized I was in an emotional, childish state and thus should have stopped running my mouth and waited until I was in a more calm, logical frame of mind before saying anything. That's yet another issue I need to work on in myself, but the road to self-improvement is a winding, rocky one, constantly having to stop and change popped tires or pull over and wait for the rain and snow to let up, then comes the times you realize you've been going nowhere but in circles and then come the efforts to retrace your steps back to where you need to start again and re-figuring where you need to go from there... --- [You have to realize that advice coming from anyone who would qualify as a bodybuilder or a lifter or something that she thinks doesn't qualify as what she would want to look like, isn't going to have as great as an effect as someone who has the body type she wants.] Not sure exactly what, other than "skinny". Maybe I need to poke around those thinspiration tumblrs (NSFW pics): [navel-gazing again] Once thought this common camwhore was drop-dead gorgeous, but now she just looks chubby. Well, okay that's harsh, she's still hot. But would be so much better if she had abs, delts, and quads instead of that 1-2" layer of babyfat around her hips. I hate jiggly butts. Heh, maybe my (morbidly obese) family have a point in that I've become far more judgmental than I used to, even though I just don't like fat chicks and never have. Once pissed my sister off saying Meghan Trainor was disgusting and not "average" like she and my brother were claiming*, and shouldn't be contributing to the obesity epidemic. I never got along with my family on these issues even when I was the heaviest of all. * Rant deleted; don't need you guys thinking I'm a monster from my expression of bitterness over losing so many years to being fat and ugly and all the physical, mental, and social dysfunction that comes with it. [/navel-gazing] --- [My advice is to use your story as an example, (once again, don't do it from a high horse, just as an example only) and let her know that you only say it because you understand where she is at, and that you understand her mindset. From there you need to say "I wish I had known when I started my journey that ______ would happen because I did _______" and reiterate that you understand how she feels and build her up while you talk about it.] [navel-gazing] I don't really feel confident in my own story of one failure after another -- anyone who's read my various training logs can attest, especially my frequent bitching about how much I suck . But I did lose 180 lbs in a year and a half through crash dieting (to 240) similarly (much more protein, though) to what she's doing right now -- which is what triggered my "No, stop it!" -- so there's that. I do wish, though, that I had heeded all the advice about, well, not doing that. And had been strength training from the beginning -- even just following a bodyweight routine until I finally escaped that terrible NEET period, more years lost for good... wanted to do Starting Strength but, well, I was an agoraphobic NEET back then, and I'm still stubborn in the light that I want all-or-nothing and if I couldn't barbell train, I wasn't gonna train at all... stupid -- and doing so moderately until my body was ready for 3-plate squats. [more navel-gazing] At least she and everyone else I continuously spam failbook about what I've done and am doing wrong can learn what not to do! As Scooby said about Zyzz, I'd make a good "negative role model". [even more navel-gazing, aren't I a self-absorbed twat] I'd love to light the way for others* but my own candle is but a cinder on a matchhead. But I'm trying to work on it, and have only done so for not even a year now -- and probably only 4-5 months total between excessive down periods due to depression and/or hurting myself; currently dealing with a bad back, but instead of stopping entirely like last two times I'll do upper-body lifts only until it clears up. At least I've only been lifting on and off for about a year (touched my first barbell early Jan '14), as I did my original bout of diet revamp and calorie-counting for about 2-3 years beforehand. Fuck I wish I had jotted down the year I did my very first calorie-count, rather than just month and day! Look at this crap, so embarrassing: [/navel-gazing, finally] Hell, maybe I should say the above to everyone, as it's pretty much exactly what you just advised. * No one after lighting a lamp covers it with a jar or puts it under a bed, but puts it on a stand, so that those who enter may see the light. [Luke 8:16] --- [Now onto the seizure thing, I'm going to go ahead and take a shot in the dark here, I could be way off base, and without knowing a lot of details this is just what I learned when I was working on getting certified, I think the seizures were a side effect from very high blood sugar/diabetes. So by cutting a ton of calories out it lowered her blood sugar and thus took the seizures off the table. It's not necessarily a sign that she's eating healthier, just that she's not eating enough sugar any more to cause the side effect. As long as she keeps the sugar down she probably won't have the seizures anymore, so that's a good thing. Also, Art did a starvation diet a long while back and he reversed his diabetes and lost a ton of weight, it's not sustainable, but at the same time if she can readjust correctly after she's done doing this diet to get where she wants to be, and does it quickly enough to avoid a real and more permanent amount of metabolic damage, she may be able to get away with it. Art could give more insight into that than I could though.] Interesting. --- [ 2) I highly doubt that she's actually eating 500 cal/day for a sustained period of time.] She's stated more than once she used to be ashamed of posting some of what she's eaten to her MFP, but is now trying to post everything. Maybe she's still leaving off that grilled cheese fish sammich. --- [story time. For about 2 months, I was eating 600-700 (legit, counted and weighed, and 99% protein and fish oil) 3-4x a week (so, not even every day!) and I felt like SHIT. All. The. Time. I was lifting 4 days a week, and doing cardio 5x a week, and not eating back exercise calories (because myfitnesspal horribly overestimates them, anyway). I was tired, physically and mentally exhausted, and any aches and pains were amplified. I developed amenorrhea (which still hasn't resolved itself, 2.5 months later), and my libido tanked. Yeah, I lost most of the weight that I wanted. But I never felt "great."] Damn, that sucks. Worse than how I was near the end of my first time of calorie-counting, and how I felt about a week ago, both from the same shit: NOT EATING ENOUGH. Though the first time I was doing jack-all for exercise (and 1,200 kcal/day), and this time only weak lifts and walking every now and then (wasn't counting, but probably not much more than 2,000, since I was just eating until sated but not full). My blood pressure has dropped to the point where I was feeling weak, dizzy, and nearly-fainting. I feel a lot better just from making sure my calories are above 3,000, which probably isn't optimal for weight loss but my weight has already dropped to the 270-275 mark (weighing daily and it fluctuates 1-3 lbs, though the past few days it's stayed closer to 270 than 275) when I was consistently 285-290 during my last down time when I was drowning my sorrows in $50 of ice cream a week. Two of those $4-$5 little fist-sized tubs every night, each with at least 1,500 calories of sugar and artificial saturated fat. I can only look back and shake my head at almost undoing everything I had worked so hard on for almost three years. --- [if she's really feeling as good as she says she is, she's probably miscounting calories. Of course, some of the effects are probably from switching to a less shitty diet, but that will wear off soon enough. Just like what happened to me, and it lasted a year and a half, though I started at 3,300 calories and very slowly lowered over the course of months until I was down to 1,200 (I only ate until I felt sated but not full). --- [ 3) Starvation mode is a myth. Metabolic downregulation is not. And trying to fix things sucks.] More things to google up! --- [Although, what do I know. My goal is to look like those big, bulky strength training ladies.] Oh hell yes. (NSFW)
  4. I wasn't sure where to put this, sorry. I have a friend who is in roughly in the same boat as I (began morbidly obese, is currently somewhere between chubby and "skinnyfat", and trying desperately to fix that) who for the past few weeks reposted her MyFitnessPal daily diets to her Facebook, and the results have me very worried to say the least: I won't say exactly what out of respect for her privacy, but every day it's between 500-800 kcal total, with maybe 100-150g carbs with around 10-20g fat and 10-30g protein. I believe she also does daily cardio at her local gym for an hour or so (treadmills, stationary bikes, etc), doing no form of strength/resistance training for fear of becoming "too bulky" and hurting herself from occasional seizures (I don't know the medical issues here and refuse to be a nosy busybody about it). She is also trying to "detox" with certain foods and the like. Her stated goal is to reach 120 lbs in "less than a year". As far as I know she doesn't measure body-fat percentage or go by anything but what her bathroom scale and the calories burned from cardio machines (reportedly burning in excess of half of what she's eaten that day). Two convos: I know I was melodramatic and probably wrong in the details -- I'm really just regurgitating half-remembered, mish-mashed bits from the hundreds of articles and videos I've seen on the subjects of health and fitness -- but I'm truly scared she's in for slow but sure world of hurt if she continues down this path. I respect and applaud her for not being morbidly obese anymore, and continuing to chase the pot of gold of health and aesthetics. I also realize that due to her apparent dislike of bodybuilders and strength trainers, especially female ones (going by her occasional disparaging comment about people who look like Spezzy and Dani Shugart, though she spares no wrath for male meatheads either) she'll probably not listen to you guys, and I know if I keep bugging her she'll just dig her heels in harder no matter what I say (she's almost as bull-headed as I ). However, my conscience demands I say and do SOMETHING for my friend whom I've known since early elementary school, even if it ultimately it won't do a lick of good. I just don't want her to make the same mistakes I did, don't want her to have to learn the hard way that crash dieting won't work in the long-term like I did, and am at a loss for what to say or do. So I'll just throw this out to you guys and gals whose collected knowledge, hardships, and failures and successes I've lurked and learned from in (mostly) silent respect and respectful silence, hope she reads what you have to say, and hope for the best.
  5. Vitamin A, Dietary Cholesterol, Amount Of Protein, Etc.

    Roughly a 6 oz serving 3-4 times a week, or I was intending to. Stuff ain't cheap so I'll probably halve that, since maybe 70% of what influences my food choices is its cost, e.g. loads of giblets mostly because the one tiny grocery store within walking distance sells packs for $1.5/lb, vs. $5/lb for chicken breast. And I need to watch my wallet after spending $20 for 30 days of probiotics and $20 for 60 days of vitamin k2 supps (to see if that helps whiten my teeth as no amount of whitening toothpaste, floss, whitening alcohol-free mouthwash, and whitening strips/gel have worked no matter how many YEARS I do it). GNC is such a ripoff, but they were the only ones who were open that late. Next time, Amazon! [/blogging-and-navel-gazing] Interesting. Something more to look up. Or... not: Whelp, time to go to said dinky shop and nab their highest fat cheese and make some very indulgent spicy brown rice!
  6. 1. After revamping and spreadsheeting my diet on 11/5/14 I've noticed I'm probably consuming in excess of %500-%1000 the daily dietary needs of cholesterol (for a 2k diet at least) from a combination of eggs, chicken hearts and gizzards, and beef liver. I've read up that dietary and blood cholesterol have never been proven to affect each other, but I'm still wondering if I should worry about that. 2. Speaking of beef liver, ~300% vitamin A from a 4-oz serving? I know enough to realize that that's a fat-soluble vitamin and thus can toxify the liver (or whatever) from mega-dosing. But am I really eating enough to worry? Well maybe people could answer that if I were counting all my micros on top of protein, fats, and carbs, as if counting my macros weren't enough of a pain in the ass... 3. I notice that most of my usual food choices give me roughly 250g-300g protein and maybe ~150g fats and carbs daily from reaching my calorie limit. I'm not even trying to eat that much protein (I haven't had a scoop of protein powder in days), that's just what ends up happening if I don't deliberately shovel extra oatmeal and olive oil down my gullet. I'm sure I don't need more than, say, 200g (or what I'm guessing is right above my lean body mass) protein, but is there a downside to "OD'ing" on protein like that, e.g., elevated blood pressure? I've been measuring that daily along with my weight and I tend to be around 130/50 with a 50 idle heart-rate, so maybe? Perhaps I should just start eating more chicken thighs to lower my protein intake and raise my fats, heh. 4. Am I overthinking all this crap and should I just not worry about it unless I develop health issues? But by then it may be too late. But damn, they certainly were right about the 80/20 rule, that following the final 20% is a road to madness. If you're wondering why I don't go looking these up myself, it's because every page on google still says never eat more than 1-2 eggs a day because satfats r bad 4 u and other popular myths; I have no idea what's trustworthy or not, no idea how to verify a source to see if it's bad science, etc. Go, public education! Why don't I just ask my doctor? One, $$$. Two, "normal" doctors IME (no one in my family can afford good ones) subscribe to "satfats r bad 4 u" and still use BMI even though by this point that should be dismissed as mere quackery. So annoying that the medical literature always seems to be 30 years behind. Err, nevermind the rant.
  7. The Goal (Or Accountability) Thread

    Just realized this thread exists (15+ years of Internetting has trained me to automatically skip my eyes over stickied threads ), therefore I shall dig up my goals buried under Indian mounds of goofy woo-woo shit whining from my log to here:
  8. Weighted Vests?

    What would you recommend? Any experience with vests? Worth the cash for the high-end ones, or are the cheapies good enough? I don't intend to do anything crazy, just walks around town -- no hills for sprints . Maybe once I'm strong enough I could do push-ups and pull-ups with it, I suppose. Been looking around an am thinking getting the ZFL Plus Long Weighted Vest (w/o weights) for $70, then saving about $100 by buying ~150-lb of additional BOX weights. My concern is that, despite the fact that weight is weight, they may not fit right and I wouldn't be able to fit them all as the ones for ZFO are 3-lb each rather than these ones' being 2.5-lb. Another thing I'm considering is asking a steelworker friend of mine to cut up a bunch of bars from the cheapest scrap iron he can get his hands on -- I'd wrap them in duct tape so they wouldn't rip the vest up! But I'm not sure how well that'd work out, and he's not gotten back to me yet. The reason I'm trying to be ghetto about this is I don't want to pay $400 for a 150-lb vest, which from the 2-3 other products I've looked at (e.g., MiR and Weightvest.com) that's the going price for those. For ultimate ghetto I could just get a pair of backpacks (one over my chest) and fill them with sandbags, but that sounds like it'd kill my traps and shoulders. But if it's good enough for the Marines... Why must it be ~150 lbs? Because I used to carry about that much more flab on my frame than I do now (which is probably around 50-70) and be able to walk around town without much exhaustion, so I think I could handle at least a walk around the block wearing one of those, but don't worry I'd slowly work back up.
  9. Is Saturated Fat Really Bad For You?

    Can't find it right now but I saw stats on how being underweight is even worse than being fat, all other variables being equal. Wouldn't surprise me. Looks like it's time to replace, say, "ingredients: 6 egg whites" to "ingredients: 3 eggs" in my copy of Anabolic Cooking, so as not to harm any angels.
  10. The age-old mindset, that satfats are BAD4U, and thus you should only eat egg whites and the like. But has the link between that and heart disease ever been conclusively proven? And if it were true, wouldn't native americans and inuit (both with diets that are very low carb, and contain massive amounts of lard and such) be fat and unhealthy, yet they aren't? The latter is more convincing to me than research, since I personally place common sense above science -- which can be -- and often is in the context of health and fitness -- very wrong. But I'm curious as to what you guys think.
  11. My body hurts. It feels wonderful.

  12. Your Most Recent Buys

    Can we have a general thread for whatever fitness-related stuff we just got our hands on? Cuz this came in the mail last night: That jack was on FerrousMaverick's suggestion (along with olympic dumbbell handles and grease pencils, both of which have served me well). Can't wait to try 'er out this Thursday!
  13. Full Body Mobility Drills For Weightlifting?

    My name is Eric and my mobility sucks. I was hoping by just doing weightlifting that my various flexibility issues would sort themselves out. This has not been the case. I haven't seriously worked out for like 3-4 weeks now because I've been suffering Analysis Paralysis from hours scouring the 'Net for stuff to do about this. Unlike barbell training there's really only a few "central authority/One-Standard-To-Rule-Them-All" sources that have most of what one needs for beginners (SS:BBT, SL), but for stretching and such? Mountains of programs! And yes I realize the irony of asking for yet another. But I need to do SOMETHING about: It hurts like hell (mostly the upper area between my scapulae and a bit shooting up my arms to my elbows) for the first few sets of back squatting. I have to high-bar squat for these sets because I simply can't get it any lower until I've loosened it up with a few warm-ups. I'm not even sure if it still hurts at this point or if I'm just ignoring it for the rest of my squats. During squats, I STILL can't keep the bar over mid-foot. I have no idea where exactly to put my feet when I begin squatting. My upper back STILL rounds for both squats, and deadlifts. And probably everything else, but this is what's been pointed out to me. I forget off-hand other stuff I was having trouble with so I'll link my old form check videos. I also posted the same topic on NerdFitness and I think elsewhere, I don't remember. I am still unable to do the Starting Strength program because as far as I can tell, I am physically incapable of achieving the "start position" for the power clean. I was about to make this and another thread, but instead of being spammy I'll just copy-and-paste the thread I was about to make here since it directly correlates: My mobility issues (which I think why my form, especially for the squat, sucks so bad; hopefully if I improve mobility I can finally concentrate fully on form and not how much my elbows and ankles are hurting when driving myself out of the hole) have really discouraged me from weightlifting, but I really want to eventually squat four-plate or more. I'm not sure what I can do about them, or maybe I do know, but the information is buried under mountains of other conflicting information overwhelming my brain. There is SO MUCH MORE on the Internet for stretching and such! so many yoga drills and programs from Jim Wendler, etc. Yeah, there are also a bunch of lifting progs too, but I feel can safely disregard the vast majority as intermediate/advanced or for bodybuilders. Plus there's the whole "compound barbell movements have been proven to work for over a century" thing, but as far as I can tell there's no similar metric for boring old stretching. But enough whining about that. I guess what I'm asking is, what can I do so I can go back to lifting, and this time with proper form so I don't hurt myself like I was starting to do when I got my squat reps to two-plate and my deadlift reps to three-plate, so I can reignite my passion for picking up heavy things and then putting them down? Preferably something I can do every single day without hurting or exhausting myself.
  14. Question Regarding A Point In This Article About Improving Ohp Strength

    Should I not worry about getting my form perfect right from the get-go?
  15. Eric's Home Gym

    Yeah I'm already seeing how that grease pencil and second set of J-hooks would come in handy, since I'm already tired of counting holes from the top or bottom each time I want to move the hooks. That deadlift jack looks interesting, and I never even thought of dumbbells that could be loaded with Olympic plates. Thanks for all your help and words of encouragement! Now to go back to failing hard at front squats... and back squats... and everything else. Heh. Hope you guys won't mind me posting a spam-storm of form check vids in the near future! Especially since it'd probably take me 10-20 minutes (>30 if Premiere Pro wants to be a dick... again.) to film, process, and upload now.